someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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