i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
