I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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