I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
