I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
