she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
