If i come over, it means nothing
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
