She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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