Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just had sex bonerless
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
