my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
