Will you blow on my dice?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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