I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
