it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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