Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
