her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
