my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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