I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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