People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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