i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
