remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
