i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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