my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
