i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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