Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
