**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i believe in u and ur pee
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
