Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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