I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can text with my tongue
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
