East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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