You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
