so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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