i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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