dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
