loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
