new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
