I wish I could teleport
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
