Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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