remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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