Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
