I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
