i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
