Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
