I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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