I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
