I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
