I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
