holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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