YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
