I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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