Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
