Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
